Letter to Leo

Leo the Cat

Any Sunny Corner

Cat Heaven

Dear Leo,

Mom said I may feel better if I wrote you a letter, so here it is. I know cats don’t read, and I don’t know your new address, but I’ve been feeling all mixed-up since you died, and I’d do anything to feel better.

Actually, I’d do anything to have you around again, to look into your yellow eyes, hear your purring, and feel your fluffy fur. I still wanted to pet you that horrible day that your eyes closed, your purring quieted, and you were gone. The day that your heart stopped, and my heart broke. 

First, I couldn't believe that you had died, that you were really gone. I was hoping it was a nightmare. I promised never ever to complain again about having to feed you or clean your litter box, if only you woke up, or if I woke up from this bad dream.

I kept expecting you to come back, like you did that time after you were missing for two days. It was awesome to have you around again, after fearing I had lost you then. A few times I’ve thought I’d heard your meowing, or seen you rush by the corner of my eye. But it isn't you. I know now that I am not going crazy, but it sure felt like that for a while. I guess our minds play tricks on us when it is hard to accept reality. 

The reality of your dying made me very angry. I got upset at my family for leaving the door open that day. I blamed the man who was driving the car that hit you. I was furious at the vet who couldn’t save you. I was angry at any God that would allow your dying. And I felt guilty for not having been with you to keep the accident from happening. The truth is, Leo, I was also mad at you. Why did you sneak out? Why did you die? Do you have any idea of how much it hurt me?

The hurt is still with me. No headache or stomachache has hurt me this much, or this long. At least there's medicine to help those kinds of pain go away. But the pain of losing you, my friend, is worse. It starts in my heart, goes to my brain, keeps me awake at night, and makes me daydream at school. When the hurt takes over me, I just want to hide away, and my whole body feels limp and weak.

I get strength from remembering the good times, like when we’d listen to music, watch animal videos together, or when I’d find you curled up on top of my backpack.

I drew a portrait of you, and I hung it by my bed. I hope you don’t mind that it doesn't look quite like you. It’s not that easy to draw cats, you know? We put a photo of you and a box with your collar and toys in it on your favorite sunning spot. Sometimes these memories make my cry. Yes, my heart hurts because I love you, and I get sad because I miss you.

I miss you waking me up in the morning and sleeping by my feet at night. I miss playing with you and your toys, and you taking a nap on my lap. Now there’s an empty space on my lap, and a big hole in my heart.

Most people don’t understand. My friend Pat says it’s no big deal, that you were only a cat. But Pat has never had a pet friend, and did not know you. Pat can’t understand how it feels, and it’s difficult for me to explain it.

When you died, my uncle offered to get me another cat to replace you. It seems like some people have a hard time seeing kids sad, and they want to make it all better fast. But Leo, I know no other cat would be just like you. I’m not ready for another cat yet. 

I wonder if you know how important you will always be to me. From the day we found you, you became a member of our family, and a best friend to me. I knew you liked me, that you could understand me, and that I could trust you. You kept my secrets and comforted me when I needed it. I learned a lot with you, and I am still learning.

Even your death is teaching me. That losing someone one loves is very difficult. That loving can hurt, and that loving can help us heal. That the pain can be strong, but that we can be stronger. I named you Leo because you seemed strong like a lion, and you were. I guess I am strong too.

I learned that there is a star constellation named Leo. I’ll look for it tonight. I may not be able to see you around here anymore, but from now on the stars will remind me of your big bright eyes looking at me in the darkness.

Leo, it’s true. I feel better after writing you this letter. And I still miss you.

Love always,

Me

If your dear pet has died, you may write your own letter right here:

Dear (your pet’s name),

You were special, because...

Thank you for...

I feel...

I miss...

I’ve been thinking...

I’ll never forget...

I want you to know...

I am learning...

It helps me to...

I am going to...

Love,

(Your name)